7 (almost) invisible inequalities between women and men
When we talk about inequalities between men and women, some automatically come to mind:
salaries: Men earn 24.4% more than women (2021 study). For equal positions and skills, the pay gap is 9%.
job types: women are concentrated in 12 professional families, which are financially and socially devalued, and where qualifications and arduousness are not recognized.
domestic tasks: worldwide, women are responsible for more than 3/4 of unpaid domestic work. In France, working-age women spend an average of three hours a day on domestic chores, while men spend 1h45 (2023 figures). The value of women's unpaid domestic work worldwide is estimated to contribute at least $10,000 billion a year - 3 times the size of the digital industry!
Contrary to what some people would have us believe, there's still a lot of work to be done to achieve gender equality.
These areas are well known - which unfortunately doesn't stop them from still existing 😢.
But here are 7 inequalities that go almost unnoticed.
The cost of beauty diktats
Everyone knows that women are victims of beauty diktats. You only have to open a magazine to discover advertisements for beauty products or clothes featuring edited photos of models. The truth is, you don't even have to open it: a glance at the cover is enough to set the tone!
But what's less obvious is the financial inequality this represents.
In her book, Le Prix à Payer (The Price To Pay, not translated in English yet), the French journalist Lucile Quillet denounces what she calls the aesthetic charge. She has made some calculations. Over a lifetime, a woman will spend an average of €21,000 on waxing. If she calculates everything she owns in the bathroom (beauty products, make-up, straighteners, brushes...), we're not far off €1,000, whereas a man will spend €50 on products 🤯.
In any case, you might say, it's well known that women are bigger spenders than men... 66% of French men and women are convinced that this is the case. But it's not true: women spend a total of 20% less than men. And post-pandemic, they even spend less on clothes than men. According to the latest CSA-Cofidis study on French spending, women spend 11% less than men on clothes!
Resistance on their part? Fighting against fashion injunctions? No. Just the fact that they earn less money 😢.
Rest Gap
69% of women have less than an hour a day to think about themselves (OnePoll study for Phillips). Women find it harder to give themselves time to rest than men. But that's not all. They also find it harder to fall asleep, and take an average of 20 minutes longer than their partners to fall asleep. According to experts, women need 20 minutes more sleep than men to feel rested, due to the biological and hormonal processes their bodies often go through. Over the years, this “rest gap” has a knock-on effect on their physical and mental health, leading to exhaustion and anxiety.
The cause? A high mental workload, linked in particular to the unequal distribution of domestic tasks. According to a recent British study published in People Management magazine, more than 9 out of 10 women (93%) claim to have experienced mental health problems due to a poor work-life balance.
No need to worry! Take a vacation. Uh, bad news: women often return from vacation more exhausted than men (Ifop study for Bons plans voyages New York).
Women are under more psychological pressure, as psychotherapist Tasha Bailey points out:
“In modern society, many women believe that their self-esteem depends on their productivity or usefulness to others. So when it comes to putting themselves first and resting, they can feel overwhelmed by a sense of shame and guilt for doing nothing.”
Women are conditioned to take care of others before themselves. Celebrated from childhood for their kindness, empathy or understanding, they are pushed in this direction. They are made to believe that they are responsible for the well-being of their family, and even of others. This leaves no room for giving themselves permission to rest.
Note that while this is particularly true for mothers (as women are often seen as the main dispensaries of childcare), for women without children, the guilt is the same.
School Playground
Our children's playgrounds are gendered, at least in France. Just ask children: girls and boys don't mix! That's just the way it is, the norm. And hardly anyone objects.
A closer look at the playground reveals that space is not shared equally. Boys enjoy a large, central, unified space (usually the soccer field), while girls are relegated to the sides in fragmented spaces, symbolically and unconsciously creating gender inequalities in public space.
Attitudes of domination are thus established from a very early age, and above all stereotypes about the unequal value of the world of girls, or of what they represent, compared to the supposedly masculine world.
French gender geographer Édith Maruéjouls is convinced that action is needed from the earliest age to teach children to share space and play together for greater equality, diversity and inclusion.
“These courtyard spaces haven't been thought through in terms of what makes a human relationship. Can we have a chat, for example? Can we sit together? Can we dream? Can we be quiet? It's often not equipped. It makes for boredom, and when you can't settle in, conversation is much harder to have.”
It's worth noting that more and more schools are redesigning their playgrounds. Phew!
“Small”
My boys love watching cooking shows on Netflix, and lately they've been watching the Korean show Culinary Class Wars, in which male and female chefs compete against each other. And one thing struck me: at the end of the competition, when the candidates are interviewed, 90% of the time, the men are very pleased with themselves, while the women are doubtful.
You'll tell me that's in Korea, so it must be different.
Are you sure?
If we compare a man and a woman looking for a job, a woman will only apply if she has at least 80% of the required skills, while a man will settle for 50%.
One woman in eight negotiates her salary when hiring, compared to one man in two (University of Munich, 2013).
66% of men think they're smarter than average, compared with 54% of women, so all the experts agree that intelligence has no gender (University of Arizona, 2018).
Female scientists use 12% fewer positive qualifiers than their male colleagues in the articles they write to present their work (British Medical Journal, 2019).
Is that enough, or shall I elaborate?
Come on, one last one. When women talk about their achievements, they tend to use words like “small” (“I wrote a small book” - any resemblance to me is not coincidental 😉 ).
But be careful. It's simplistic to conclude that women don't have enough self-confidence. To say so is to put all the responsibility on their shoulders. It's a proven fact that, depending on the context and the support provided, women can be just as assertive as men, if not more so. Food for thought.
Manspreading
Born on Twitter in 2008, manspreading is a concept developed by American feminists who accuse some men of sitting with their legs spread and occupying two seats in public spaces, particularly on public transport.
In 2013, a campaign to prevent manspreading took place in the New York subway, one of the first cities to take action against male sprawl. Similar campaigns have been launched in South Korea, Japan, Istanbul and Madrid.
Okay, in men, crossing the legs can affect sperm production, but there's a difference between not crossing the legs and spreading them too far! And it's also true that crossing the legs at the thighs or ankles causes pain... But that's true for men AND for women.
But manspreading isn't just a question of opening the legs, in my opinion. It can be done in other ways. Very often, I have to use my elbows - literally - to be able to rest my arms on the armrests in transport or at the cinema, for example.
Ho do you deal with Wednesday afternoons?
Take the test around you. Ask the men you know if they've ever been asked the question, “How do you organize Wednesday afternoons?”
Obviously, I'm talking here about the fathers of families in straight couples.
As feminist activist Gloria Steinem said:
“I still haven't heard any men asking for advice on how to combine work and family life.”
I'm convinced that the day this question is asked as often to fathers as to mothers, gender equality won't be far off.
Women's voices
In her fascinating book Une voix à Soi (A voice of One's Own- not yet translated in English) Aline Jaillet, opera singer and voice coach, examines the construction of women's vocal identity, and explores those listening biases that maintain a form of male vocal domination.
Unlike men, women are often attacked for their voices. Too high-pitched, too loud, too fragile, women's voices are like a filter on their speech, preventing them from listening to what they're saying. If a woman's voice is too high, she's “hysterical”; if it's too loud, she's violent; if it's too low, she's masculine...
Aline Jaillet denounces this blind spot in our society's persistent sexism. In many minds, a voice is physiological. You're born with a deep or a high voice, and that's just the way it is. There's nothing we can do about it. But when we take a closer look, we realize that the voice is an agent of gender stereotypes, and therefore of discrimination and sexism.
Women's voices are often associated with qualifiers such as high-pitched, soft, melodious, pleasant, maternal, helpful, warm, possibly seductive and sexy in certain contexts... Without being aware of it, we assign a role, a personality and an emotional state to a voice. Too high-pitched? The woman is hysterical. Too low? She's a tomboy. Scratched? Vulgar.
This biased listening erases the content of women's discourse and builds false beliefs in us. It also leads to a lack of self-confidence: what's the point in talking if I'm not listened to?
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Thank you for reading. My name is Anne Bezon. I am a writer and a book coach for entrepreneurs. My mission with this newsletter is to inspire and encourage you to write the life that's right for you, without worrying about society's diktats.
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